Fully Embodied Living is based on 4 Pillars:

Connection to Body
Connection to Nourishment
Connection to Presence
Connection to Growth

Each day of this introduction has 3 gifts:

• a guided meditation,

• a video of accessible stretches or body practices,

• writing on healthy nourishment.

  Please enjoy all 3 gifts, or just check out the ones that resonate with you.
  This page will always be here for you to come back to whenever you need.

  Day 3: Connection to the Heart

Many sage teachers say that the heart is the wisest and most powerful part of us.

Heart Listening

On Day 1, I spoke about how to reduce stress and stress-induced eating. Today I am going to dig a little deeper into that - into the mysterious and rich world of emotions - so that we can learn how to connect better with them, and therefore reduce the possibility of emotional eating or self-soothing with food, or any other substances and behaviours, for that matter. 

Many of us have had the experience of feeling anxious, or rejected, or just not able to rest in the company of our own selves, and have gone to the fridge, or the cupboard, to see what’s there to occupy our attention. We are not hungry, but we feel like there is something we are missing, and maybe a little slice of something will take away that uncomfortable feeling - will fill that empty space. We also may seek alcohol or other drugs to fill this empty space, or we might go shopping, or play video games, or scroll endlessly through our social media, or lose ourselves in the world of TV. Sometimes we phone our friends and complain yet again about our sorry situation, and yet for all of our talking, we don’t feel heard. We do these things so that we don’t have to focus on that uncomfortable feeling - so that we can disassociate from it - and instead we can focus on the food, or the screen, or the complaining (I personally love a good session of complaining - it is my weakness!). Addiction to any one of these things is a serious issue, and I cannot address the enormity and complexity of that here. But I can touch upon how we can become more connected to our emotions, and how we can befriend our own selves, so that the next time we need to soothe a sad or anxious heart, we can look within, rather than outside of ourselves, for that feeling of fullness, of contentment, of being listened to - by the most important person in our lives - ourselves.

*Just a reminder here that I am a big fan of reaching out for therapy.
Please keep in mind that although learning to befriend ourselves and our hearts is invaluable - so is reaching out.
The heart is a wild and complicated place, and sometimes requires the accompaniment of another grown up.

On the spot self care practice

It is very helpful to have an ‘on the spot’ practice  - something we can do in the moment of feeling a triggering emotion. So let’s say that we are at  home alone on a Saturday night, or possibly an even harder situation might be that we are at home WITH our partner and/or family on a Saturday night - but we still feel alone. It is not a fun feeling, and we don’t want to feel it. Sitting in stillness and just feeling the aloneness is unpleasant, and so instead we go to the fridge, and get some ice cream, and we sit with that. The feeling of the ice cream reaching our lips, melting in our mouth, and sliding down our throat is lovely. We feel better. What’s more, the fast sugar triggers an immediate release of dopamine - the pleasure hormone - and everything is so much better - for a short while. And when the sugar crash happens not long after, we might get tired and fall asleep in front of the television, the uncomfortable feeling avoided yet 1 more day. But when we wake up the next day, the lonely feeling is still with us, and so we repeat this cycle the next day, with one of our many distractions of choice. 

But it doesn’t need to be this way. 

In that moment of feeling lonely, this is when we can tap into self compassion and self-soothing. What do we do when a baby or young child is upset? We soothe them with our love. We hug them, we give them love, we tell them ‘we are here’. We can do the same thing with ourselves. It can be as simple as putting a hand on the heart, turning the attention inward, and sending the breath through the whole body. We don’t even need the hand on the heart (although it feels very nice). We can just go inward, with the intention that our breath is infused with loving energy, and we let it travel to the whole body. We let this loving energy fill all of those places that feel empty, hungry to be loved and heard. We can’t always expect that the people around us are emotionally mature or awake enough to know how to attune to our ever-changing needs, but we know how. We know how we feel, and what we need, and we can love and soothe ourselves. Once we do this, and that emptiness has been touched some, then we can decide what to do next. Maybe we still eat the ice cream - this time enjoying it much more than we would have from eating it on auto-pilot. Maybe we speak to those around us about what we are needing from them, but we are able to do it from a calmer, more abundant place once we have taken some care of ourselves. Maybe we decide that we really need to go for a walk, and connect with Mother Nature. After some self care, we can make wiser, more compassionate choices. 

The importance of a self-compassion anchoring practice

The above ‘on the spot’ practice is very helpful for those moments when we notice that we are caught in an emotion, and that we are seeking to escape it, to push it away. Noticing our emotional patterns and coping mechanisms, and working to cultivate a new pattern is no small feat. It takes a lot of willingness - a willingness to take care of our own emotional needs first and foremost - and then we can see what changes we need to make in the world around us. In the above example, after tuning into the heart, we might realise that we need to make time in nature a bigger part of our lives, or we may realise that the empty place that we are trying to fill is bigger than we can manage on our own, and so we must reach out for good support - maybe from a therapist, or a wise confidante. 

I also recommend a regular practice in tuning into the heart, to be done at times when we are not triggered. For example, first thing in the morning, or last thing at night, we can take a few moments lying down, to relax and drop into our hearts, and to notice what is there. Just as in the ‘on the spot’ practice, we can move our attention inward, and send the heart area some love-infused breath, and as the heart softens, we can let the breath and the heart energy travel to the whole body. We are listening to our hearts, and to our bodies - not to our thoughts. Our attention is not in the head, it is in the body. It is a physical experience. Again, it can be helpful to put a hand on the heart while doing this, or on the belly, or anywhere that needs some loving energy, that needs to be listened to. If we take our time with this practice, and do it often, we may notice over time that we don’t need to reach for something outside of us - food, stuff, confirmation or approval of others - in order to feel satiated, in order to feel full. 

This is actually a big deal, and takes a good amount of willingness to do. But also, it is actually not that difficult to do.
We just need to pause, breathe, listen, and love ourselves - just as we want to do for those dearest to us, and just as we want them to do for us.

I must emphasize here the importance of reaching out for outside support, if the feelings that we are touching into feel too big.
But this does not mean that we shouldn’t do this tuning-in practice also. We can do both, and in fact, done together is the most powerful. 

The intention of this article is to initiate some thought about why emotional eating is such a common problem. I think it is actually a very deep issue, and one that requires some simple quick self care tips - such as making sure we are getting enough sleep, time in nature, eating well - but also requires some profound emotional self care. It is something that we can do. It may feel foreign at first, or clumsy, but it should also feel relieving. This is why I created The School for Self Care - because it’s not always so simple as making sure we don’t spend too much time in front of a screen. As important as that is, it is even more important that we learn who we are, what our emotional patterns and triggers are, and how to soothe and care for them ourselves. 

Please enjoy another upper body opening sequence - with pictures & description AND video

Learn more about how to become your own best friend

Wishing you well. Take good care.