Meditation Basics: Part 2 of the series “How to Start Your Own Meditation Practice”
In this post:
Meditation goes mainstream for a reason
The person is more important than the practice
Benefits of Meditation
Working with the ‘uncomfortable’
The 2 Wings of Mindfulness plus the Body
Are we supposed to stop thinking during meditation?
The Nuts & Bolts of Getting Started
Let’s Meditate! (step by step guidance included)
Video of 25 Minute Guided Meditation featuring a Body Scan
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With just a few minutes of time & something to sit or lie on, we can open our world to a bigger perspective, and to more possibilities for ease, happiness, & vision than we may have believed possible.
Meditation goes mainstream for a reason
Meditation offers the potential for us to be both more relaxed & more empowered at the same time. It allows us to sit with difficult thoughts & emotions without getting swallowed by them, while at the same time being able to appreciate the beauty & joy that can be found in the smallest of moments. And, it invites us to access our greatest wisdom not by tensing our brain, but rather by relaxing and opening it, and connecting it to our heart and body.
I have been meditating to a greater or lesser degree since I was a teenager, over 30 years ago. I have studied various styles and methods, with all sorts of masters, and yet in many ways, I still feel like a beginner. Luckily - this is part of the path! Every time we practice is meant to be a fresh start, a moment of meeting life exactly how and where it is, and since no 2 moments are ever the same, our practice will also never be the same. What does help is having an anchoring practice, so there is some stability in how we meet ourselves in meditation. Here, I will provide some ideas on how to create a good anchoring meditation routine, plus some guidance on how the experience itself might go, and at the end of this post is a video of one of my guided meditations, that you are welcome to try on.
The person is more important than the practice.
Perhaps you have tried meditation before and it did not work for you, or you feel like you just can’t fit ‘1 more thing’ into your life. If this describes you, I encourage you to read on, to give this practice a second look, and to learn how you can create what works for you. The practices that I will describe are guidelines & loose maps, but ultimately, the journey is about discovering YOUR OWN path. I have heard enough different teachers say “Meditation is THIS way” - only to have another teacher say “It is actually THAT way”, that I have finally figured out there is no ‘1 way’. My best advice about meditation is: look for what resonates with you NOW - know that it will likely change over time, and that THAT is absolutely ok - there are a lot of techniques and styles to choose from. Learn from experienced teachers, decide what feels right for you, and then stay open to learning more.
Benefits of Meditation
Part 1 in this series spoke exactly of this. From reducing stress, to improving mental and emotional health to increasing focus and self-awareness, to finding your own calm within the storm, the benefits of meditation are many and have the potential to greatly improve our health, well-being, and performance. I recommend that you read part 1, if for no other reason than to get excited about what benefits you might soon be enjoying!
The Practice
Working with ‘the uncomfortable’
For those of you who have even done a small amount of meditation, you may have noticed that behind that ‘serene-looking meditation face’ that we see on Instagram, is a mind that is often looks like this:
‘Yesterday’s meeting went sideways. Do I need to worry about my job?’
‘This back ache came out of nowhere! Will it last forever?’
‘I am so excited about my plans this weekend!’
‘What if my weekend plans have to be cancelled? I can’t bear the thought!’
’I’m hungry. I wonder if that leftover pizza in the fridge is still good.’
‘What am I supposed to be focusing on right now exactly?’
Although meditation does offer us the refuge of the present moment, it often appears in fits and starts, overpowered by the constant chatter of our mind and our impulses. Being able to breathe through the good, the bad, and the ugly of the past, the present, and the future - all while on the meditation cushion - is a lifelong practice, requiring a steady hand on the wheel. In this series I will be giving lots of tools and ideas on how to cultivate the ability to stay with what is arising in the present moment - by tapping into our inner resources of wisdom & compassion, for example - and also to know when it is time to get off the cushion and seek out other tools & resources to support us. Physical pain, emotional distress, working through a difficult situation, or just the inability to sit still - all of these challenges deserve respect.
I have a few decades of experience teaching movement to people in chronic & acute pain, and mild to severe discomfort, and I think that a lot of what we know about managing physical pain & discomfort can crossover into how we address other types of pain - mental, emotional or soulful, including the discomfort that we can feel just by sitting in stillness with ourselves. Minutes on the meditation cushion can feel like years, especially when we are first starting.
Here are a few of my thoughts on that.
Pain should be avoided as much as possible. Reducing pain should be practiced whenever possible. ‘Uncomfortable’ is different than ‘pain’. While the line between the 2 is very gray and highly subjective, we are the expert of ourselves. While in meditation, if we are experiencing something that we classify as ‘painful’, then we need to take what steps we can to avoid or reduce the pain, including stopping the meditation practice.
If we decide that what we are feeling on the meditation cushion is in the category of ‘uncomfortable’, then we see how we can work with it. Some ways of ‘working with it’ are: meditating for a shorter period of time, or at a different time of day, or changing the meditation posture &/or focus so that the practice can feel more comfortable & accessible.
Another way of working with the uncomfortable is to take on the practice of
‘expanding our window of tolerance to the uncomfortable'‘ in small, incremental amounts.
Embarking on this particular practice can be very empowering and insightful, but requires a good dose of the ‘2 wings of mindfulness’ - wisdom & compassion - which I describe further in this post. Because meditation prioritises creating an environment of safety, groundedness, compassion, & spaciousness, the meditation cushion can be the perfect place to address & investigate the difficult mental, emotional, & physical states that we, as all human beings, can find ourselves in. With practice, our window of tolerance to the uncomfortable will likely expand - we may be able to sit for longer periods without feeling antsy, we may be able to watch the comings & goings of our mind with less self-judgement, we may be able to even change our relationship to the chronic low back pain that we have, precisely because we have practiced in small, incremental, tolerable amounts.
*It is important to emphasize that while meditation is often promoted for its help with chronic pain, and in improving mental and emotional health, it is not meant to replace other forms of therapy or medical treatment.
Next week’s post focuses on practicing self-compassion with meditation, and future posts will focus on alternative practices for when a more traditional sitting meditation does not feel quite right.
The 2 Wings of Mindfulness PLUS the Body
The terms ‘mind’ and ‘mindfulness’ in the context of meditation come from the ancient languages of Yoga & Buddhism, and they originally referred to heart & head together - or what is taught as the ‘2 wings of mindfulness’. The first wing goes by many names: awareness, consciousness, spaciousness, widsom - which has its home in the head. The 2nd wing is often called love, compassion, kindness & friendliness - and it has its home in the heart. These 2 wings need to be in balance if the bird is to fly straight. I will add a 3rd component - the body - which has its home in the belly - because when we bring the head, the heart, & the body together, we are more fully integrated, and can access our full intelligence. In that sense, a more complete translation of mindfulness could be ‘loving, embodied awareness’. Especially in light of the previous paragraph on ‘the uncomfortable’, it is necessary to bathe whatever arises during the meditation - discomfort, a racing mind, a restless body - in wisdom & compassion, AND to stay grounded in our bodies as we do so. So, know that whenever I use the words ‘mind’ or ‘mindfulness’ I am referring to these 3 components together, with their homes in the head, the heart & the belly.
Are we supposed to stop thinking during meditation?
NO, because that would be impossible. As one of my favourite teachers says, to ask the brain to stop thinking is like asking the nose to stop smelling. What we do want to cultivate, however, is the ability to choose whether to immerse ourselves in our thoughts - often about the past or the future, or whether to immerse ourselves in the present moment instead. Having this choice is empowering. What’s more, our thoughts are often racing around inside our head like a child given too much sugar, and so while stopping thinking is neither possible nor desireable, we can practice settling the mind, so that we can see what’s there - what brilliance, what madness, and everything in between. This ability to work with our thoughts, is also empowering.
The first phase of meditation is, in fact, all about focusing & quieting the mind, so that we can begin to access some of these benefits of choice & empowerment.
This is why having an ‘object of attention’ - the breath, the sensations in the body, sounds, repeated words or phrases - is a common start for most meditation practices - it helps to create a ‘home base’ for our attention. The main instruction in this phase is to notice when our attention goes to thoughts, to emotions (which can be even more compelling) or to physical disctractions, such as an itchy nose, and then - with kindness - to gently return the attention to the intended object of attention. Our modern society has emphasized focusing on thoughts, indulging our emotions, and avoiding any physical discomfort (such as an itchy nose), so it will take time & practice directing our attention to the steadiness of the breath, or to the feeling of the ground beneath us. We must be patient and kind with ourselves as we practice. An image that I like in this regard, is that when we are training the attention to return to the breath, or to the body, is that it’s like we’re herding kittens. Being forceful does not work, instead we need a sense of humour and lots of patience. The breath is such a great object of attention, because it is something that is always with us, AND because by simply working with our breath we can calm our nervous system quite a bit.
Breath practice can be a wonderful entrée into meditation.
Here is part one of a series of posts I recently wrote about the breath, with various breathing exercises included.
While having a more focused mind has many benefits, including enhanced ability to concentrate in work & play, it is not an end in itself. Focusing the mind creates calm, which then allows us to see everything much more clearly. This brings us to the next phase of meditation - open awareness.
In this phase, instead of being focused on a single object, we are more open to a ‘field of awareness’, that can include sounds, physical sensations, thoughts, emotions, and always the anchor of the breath is there for us if we get lost. Our perspective is more as an observer of our experience - we notice our thoughts, breath, environment, without getting pulled into them. Labelling things very simply can be helpful in this phase: ‘tightness in shoulder’, ‘traffic outside’, ‘thoughts about the future’ - all of these are kindly & respectfully acknowledged, but we keep our focus open to all of it, like a panorama, instead of becoming involved in any particular experience (again, we can always return to the anchor of the breath if we need to). This ‘observer consciousness’ allows us to notice the nature of our thoughts, feelings, & sensations, without judging them as being good or bad. For example, I can notice that my thoughts are often in the category of ‘worrying about the future’, but I practice being able to notice this about myself, without judging myself for it. It does take practice, and the 2 wings of widsom & compassion come in particularly handy in these moments.
In this phase, we can also notice how everything changes. We can notice that our thoughts, feelings, emotions, change just as much as the sounds around us. This can be particularly helpful for those times when we can think to ourselves “I will never be able to ….”, or “They are always so…”. I particularly like how the image of the clouds in the sky illustrates this point: the clouds are coming & going, but they are also changing their shape - they are not fixed in themeselves, and often they blend in and become part of other clouds. It’s often just when we think that we are stuck, that we can notice that we, ourselves, have changed and so now, we can become unstuck.
What’s more, from this more spacious perspective, we can see that the thoughts that we are repeatedly telling ourselves are often not even true…
A third phase of meditation could be called ‘contemplation’ or ‘inquiry’.
In this phase, we could inquire within as to the state of our head, heart, or body - checking in with ourselves about what needs some care & attention. Or we could contemplate a decision that needs to be made - accessing a more spacious mind for that. Or we could contemplate something more far-reaching, such as ‘what is my purpose?’ In this phase, we are slowing down our thoughts and feelings enough to be able to really see and hear them, work with them, while connecting to our own highest & most compassionate wisdom (again, the 2 wings) for some understanding and insight. Personally I find this phase very helpful. It is great if it can be done after the first 2 phases, even if they are done only briefly to help settle the mind and create a sense of a spacious, non-judgemental mind.
So, meditation is not necessarily just sitting with the breath, passively accepting all things just as they are, with no thoughts, nor is it an escape from reality. It can be a time to listen to all the parts of ourselves in order to find anwsers within. We can see our habitual ways of thinking or reacting, and see the strategies that we use in order to avoid feeling our feelings, to list just a few examples. Meditation has the possibility to give us huge insight into ourselves, and how we can learn how to become our own greatest ally, instead of our greatest enemy.
There are many other phases and states of meditation, but I will leave those for another time.
For now, let’s get to the ‘how to’s’ of meditation, and do a practice.
The Nuts & Bolts of Getting Started
When should I practice, how often, for how long, and what style?
The short answer to these questions is, practice what works best for you. And the best style of practice is… the one that you will do most often. That being said,…
When: It is recommended to practice first thing in the morning, as it can set you up for a great day, but also last thing at night can set you up for a great sleep. Midday recharges are also fantastic.
For how long: Start with a short practice - 5 minutes - and once this has become a regular routine in your life, you might consider lengthening it - possibly to 10 minutes - but do not rush this, as consistency is more important than length. A common sitting time for experienced practitioners is 20 minutes in the morning, and 20 minutes in the evening, but this can take time to incorporate into your lifestyle.
How often: It’s great if you can practice a few moments every day, but some sort of steady routine (every Sunday, for example, or 3x a week) allows you to receive the most benefit. Consistency is key.
What style: I will attempt to describe many different approaches to meditation, but I cannot possibly describe them all. I suggest that you try on lots of different styles or techniques, and see what works best for you in this moment, and to be open to letting that evolve over time. My own practice is a mix of of what I learned from Yogic and Buddhist teachings & teachers.
To sit or not to sit?
Most meditation is taught sitting up either on a chair, with the feet flat on the floor and the back not resting onto the back of the chair, but rather more upright and supporting itself with the postural muscles, OR sitting on the floor, on pillows, folded up blankets, or on a meditation cushion, so that the knees are below the hips, thus allowing the hips to relax and the spine to be more easily upright. In both of these positions the hands can either rest on the thighs, or be folded together and resting in front of the pelvis. If, to avoid pain or discomfort, it feels better to rest your back against the chair or couch that you are sitting on, or if you choose to lie down, that is absolutely fine, as long as you don’t fall asleep. If you do fall asleep, that’s actually also fine, it just means that you needed sleep more than meditation. If you do lie down, on your back is the preferred method, and having pillows under the knees is a great way to take pressure off of the lower back.
Walking meditation is also a common mindfulness practice, but I will not describe that here now, as it is a unique practice unto itself.
Let’s meditate!
Once you have found your preferred posture, you can choose to either have a relaxed gaze with the eyes open, or gently close the eyes. Then:
Get grounded
First, feel where you are making contact with the ‘ground’ (the chair, couch, bed, cushion and where you are making contact with your buttocks, feet, or whole back, depending on your posture), and have the intention of softening into the ground, like pancake batter spreading out on the pan.
Notice the sounds, and possibly smells, that are in the foreground, and the background, and the feeling of the air making contact with your skin.
Use these first moments to get settled, perhaps rolling your shoulders back, or gently rolling your head side to side, in order to be as comfortable as possible as you sit.
Bring the attention to the Breath
Once the posture has been established, let your attention rest on the breath.
There is no need to change the breath, however, I find it helpful to take some slow, deep breaths to start, as a way of relaxing and settling into the practice.
Feel the sensations of the breath entering and exiting at the nostrils.
Notice the rise and fall of the chest, or the abdomen, or both.
Simply feel the body breathing.
Allow the body and mind to relax, while still staying present. The image I like is that the head, heart & body are like a fist, and we are relaxing the grip and letting them open. So - thoughts, feelings & sensations still come, but we don’t grab onto them nor follow them.
We kindly & gently return the attention to the breath.
Calming the mind
It can be helpful to say silently to oneself: ‘inhale’ as you breathe in, and ‘exhale’ as you breathe out - as a way of steadying the attention, noticing the top of each inhale, and the bottom of each exhale. You could even say “inhaling, I relax my mind & body, exhaling I relax my mind & body”
Counting the length of each inhale & exhale can help create focus, while also possibly lengthening the breaths.
Scanning through the body from top to bottom, letting the breath relax each part with as much detail as you like (relax the eyes, jaw, shoulders, chest, belly, etc) can also calm and focus the mind.
Experiment with each of these ideas here - trying them on 1 at a time, to see how they feel.
For more ways of working with the breath in meditation - see my breath practices post here.
Self Care Check-In
If you have time, you may want to tune into the head, heart, or body, and ask how they are doing, without getting lost in stories. Focus more on the physical feeling in these areas right here in this moment, instead of focusing on the ‘why’.
Then you might ask what these places need right now, and you can give them right now.
Keep it simple & immediate. Often, these places just need to be heard & seen with kindness.
Closing the Practice:
Some ideas are:
Set an intention for the rest of your day (“May I stay connected to my breath/body/the ground throughout the rest of the day” for example)
Do a short gratitude practice (“I am thankful for my health/my breath/this moment/my dear ones” for example)
Send well-wishes out (“May X person be well”, “May all beings be in peace”, for example)
That’s it! You have now meditated!
Seriously, you could just work with these ideas for a very long time and you would get a lot out of it.
I will however, offer more ideas in future posts, about how to start working with the thoughts and emotions that arise, and how that can be a gateway to profound self-awareness and possibly some healing. I think this is important because, as we sit, and simply focus on the breath and the body, thoughts and emotions WILL arise, potentially strong ones, and so it is in our best interest to know how to navigate that terrain safely and skillfully.
Until the next installment, please enjoy this guided meditation, which features a body scan.
Wishing you well. Take good care.